the last day

i am a cute little mitten today, with my eyeliner and moccasins.
i just found three hundred dollars. straight up.
lorna is the most darling woman alive,
and i'm eating imported bunny pasta for lunch.
there is no way this day can't be good.


i swear i didn't think of you once.

i just had the most uncanny tarot reading.
this, combined with the ridiculous combination of classes i've decided to register in is making me wonder if third year is going to be even more bananas than second.
i don't know if i can handle it at this point, but that doesn't seem to matter all that much, seeing as everyone
including the Universe
is telling me to chill the fuck out
because everything is going to be fine.
i am going to write a pantoum soon.
maybe it will be about this.
my queen of cups.


they'll sing you right to sleep, then they'll screw you just the same.

the things i have learned today are threefold.
one: apparently there is always something in my life just waiting to go wrong.
two: people who are not artists generally have a lot of money. which they proceed to squander on useless things.
three: i am an artist. i do not have a lot of money. which i have to stop squandering on useless things.

eye en gee direct is probably like, wtf chelsea. do you even still bank with us?

in a perfect world, by september i will have inherited my father's electrical bread-making machine and will consume my carb quota for less than three dollars a day.
unless, of course, he sold it in our garage sale without my knowledge.
which is not unlikely by any stretch of the imagination.


stone tones notes

i have a very love/hate relationship
with my life right now.
and while i was getting paid to spend
three hours at the calgary elks lodge and golf club
refilling the water pics in their centrepieces
the following conversation ensued
(inside my head):
-maybe it's the Unviverse that's bipolar and not me.
-that's fucked up, man.
-well, tough bananas. that's just the way the produce grows.


i believe in omens

day trip to a nouveau-riche mountain resort
town in a mini-van full of knives
and flowers
to do the Big Jewish Wedding

already two hours behind
during set-up when our precarious
anglo-saxon khuppa trembled like a house
of dominoes

one spport at a time

and crashed down
like the sky in an aneurysm of tulle
and exploding cages and hydrangea
heads like birds whose wings have broken
in their fierce flight toward solitude


you came to take us

i was a productive little kitten today.
it feels good.
getting things done feels good.
the fact that i've forgotten this is proof
that it's been a long time since i've accomplished anything of any real importance.

also, my mom and i straight up
almost died in a head-on collision
on glenmore trail tonight.
but we didn't! lol.
thanks, universe.
i knew you'd have my back when i found myself
in dire straits.
i knew it.


it's the unravelling

i miss victoria a lot today.
i miss chelsea hotel.
my porch. my windows.
chelsea-calgary peacemaking is going well, but the stampede is just too much.
there are too many cowboys in this town.
and it's so stupid because all i want
to tell them is you know, cowboys ride horses, not escalades.
you petulant philistines.
there are too many of those here, too.
unfortunately, philistines are not limited to those sporting denim button-downs.
last night i watched two police officers leave their van in neutral while they strolled down to starbucks for a late-night latte.
there are so many things wrong with the previous sentence, no?


i hate you, summer love.

the sun came out for, like, an hour.
i was in bed watching
the l-word.
i should be asleep like a good cat
but instead i'm doing laundry and watching a late night movie because
solstice is coming and it's too light out to sleep.
and sometimes, when i think about my life and it amounts to
bunny pasta and stepmom alone on a sunday night,
i don't mind.
but sometimes i do.

on a gust of inspiration

last night i left my window open in the middle of a thunderstorm.
the wind blew the pictures on my wall sideways.
today when my sister and i take my father to lunch, i will wear my pea coat.
this weather reminds me of victoria in february.


maybe getting is all you've known until now.

you know
at first i wasn't so sure about this whole
coming back to calgary
and i don't know. maybe i'm still
not. sure, that is.
there is always an identity crisis over something.
tofu/chicken; transit/car; patchouli/chanel; etc.
but i seem to be learning a lot about life and the universe at large. and not because i'm reading or listening or seeking out this information, but because it comes to me in revelations. and none of this is particularly meaningful in any way, shape, or form,
like why men must love motorcycles so much
(because driving one is the easiest way to get a girl to wrap her arms around you),
but it's enlightening.
this is a new kind of knowing, and it feels like self actualization.


ohs and exes

over the last couple of weeks i have come to the realization that doing things purely out of obligation does no good for anyone, especially me.
and it's just hilarious because i keep telling people this and no one listens.


(wednesday,) i don't care about you.

today it poured down rain and while i arranged flowers, i listened to the amelie soundtrack, drank coffee, and ate janice beaton cheese, bernard callebaut truffles, and petit pain au chocolat from the eiffel tower bakery.
yes. this is what i do for a living.


so fibonacci.

(So I said)
"let's try and keep things out of the space that divides."
you said "the cracks between where we lie"
and we lie around so much,
we lie around, we lie around
lie around, we just lay around the truth,
so much.


you never could explain them to me.

it's starting to feel like it wasn't even my life.
any of it. three years.
emotional involvement is so lame sometimes.


i know that i just talk too much.

in the last three weeks, my biceps have doubled in size and i have reclaimed my title as a mistress parallel parker.
marika has a golden retriever named libby, who i am encouraged to walk whenever and as often as i please.
spring happened in like, eighty five seconds one evening and now everything is green.
there are more trees and more heritage buildings here than i thought. did i mention i work in one? (a heritage building. not a tree.)
i think it's safe to say i've adjusted.
give me three weeks and i can handle anything.
this is what i've learned.