Little Black Dot

i finished my book today,
the last of mercury retrograde.
the last half-page.
when i was done writing i had an over whelming urge to write
THE END
at the bottom, in upside down letters,
but there wasn't room and also i think it probably would be cheesy because it's not really the end, is it,
but a funny thing happened with this book.
the book began with a very specific question and it ended with an answer to that question.
the book began in july two thousand and eight and ended today.

and it's just funny because in december, a couple weeks before i went home to calgary for christmas, i bought a new book.
flat, smooth. plastic wrapped. with blank pages inside, not lined ones.
i bought it because i was so tired of this thing, so tired of carrying it around with me, this stupid fucking question i couldn't answer. and even though it had 15 pages left in it when i got on the plane, i almost left it, almost left those pages blank and packed the new one instead.
but something was like, chelsea.
you are not going to leave these pages blank.
you are not going to rip them out.
you are going back to CALGARY
and mercury is going into RETROGRADE
and you are going to FINISH. THIS. BOOK. ALRIGHT.

so i was like, alright.
so i took the old one.
didn't write in calgary. didn't write on gabriola.
didn't think i would ever finish this stupid fucking book
until one day
i found myself staring january twenty ten in the face and it said,
listen up, woman. i've got some things to show you, so why don't you come with me.
and what was i supposed to do?
it's not like i could have
turned around