dear chels,
the next time you go to value village, find a funny bookend to buy.
love,
yourself.

i finished my book today,
the last of mercury retrograde.
the last half-page.
when i was done writing i had an over whelming urge to write
THE END
at the bottom, in upside down letters,
but there wasn't room and also i think it probably would be cheesy because it's not really the end, is it,
but a funny thing happened with this book.
the book began with a very specific question and it ended with an answer to that question.
the book began in july two thousand and eight and ended today.

and it's just funny because in december, a couple weeks before i went home to calgary for christmas, i bought a new book.
flat, smooth. plastic wrapped. with blank pages inside, not lined ones.
i bought it because i was so tired of this thing, so tired of carrying it around with me, this stupid fucking question i couldn't answer. and even though it had 15 pages left in it when i got on the plane, i almost left it, almost left those pages blank and packed the new one instead.
but something was like, chelsea.
you are not going to leave these pages blank.
you are not going to rip them out.
you are going back to CALGARY
and mercury is going into RETROGRADE
and you are going to FINISH. THIS. BOOK. ALRIGHT.

so i was like, alright.
so i took the old one.
didn't write in calgary. didn't write on gabriola.
didn't think i would ever finish this stupid fucking book
until one day
i found myself staring january twenty ten in the face and it said,
listen up, woman. i've got some things to show you, so why don't you come with me.
and what was i supposed to do?
it's not like i could have
turned around

tercet

sunday syndrome

or,
in which order shall i proceed?

cry
eat
clean
do homework
get high

today i was home sick from work and mimi
good sweet mimi
just came by with tulips
and cheese, and chocolate.
I LOVE YOU MIMI I LOVE YOU.

-hey what are you doing over there?
-learning.

well,
i'm feeling a little under the weather, to be honest with you.
but i have a feeling this dinner
of baked salmon
and spinach salad
and avalon chocolate milk
and pot
will somewhat improve the situation.

dear brian--
i'm not off to the best start with you this semester, am i.
i'm really sorry about that. it's just, you know, priorities.
i hope you can forgive me.
i have a feeling you understand.
it's just that today is my good friend's birthday and also
i can only spend so much time traipsing around in a dress before i need to put on my dad's old pants, you know?
love,
chelsea

homework

-ya, but i'm not done yet. after this i have to go home so i can cut an old pair of leggings into rags and put together a binder.

sometimes i will listen to joni mitchell and cry and cry because there just isn't anything else to do.

thefirstcherryblossomsarehere
thefirstcherryblossomsarehere
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

university and i seem to have reached an interesting agreement.
today, university pulled me aside and spoke softly so only i could hear,
and it said:
ok chels, you've worked really hard
and now i'ma show you a good time.
alright?
and i said
alright.
lead the way.
lead the way.
and we rode off together,
holding hands,
into the sunset
(last semester).

so here i am. back
in my little seaside town
and o it sure does feel nice
but i tell ya
it sure is midnight
and am i prepared for a full day of class tomorrow?
no.
do i feel prepared for anything right now?
no.
does it matter?

(i guess not?)

MY OWN BATHROOM.
MY OWN BED.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD
I'D PREFER INSTEAD.