Little Black Dot

you guys.
this is getting unbearable.
i have never been so fucking restless in my whole fucking life and
i can't take it anymore!
if there was a class called
walking around at night so you don't
claw your skin off
i would take it.
and i would get an a.
plus plus.

i'm sure you know what i'm talking about.

apparently the moon is in scorpio right now?
it explains some things, sure.
folks are getting rather feisty round these parts.
god if i could see
through the walls in this house
who knows what i would see.

there was a big scene tonight, on the porch.
a police van, an ambulance. so much yelling.
leave me ALONE!
mmmmmMMMMAAAGGGHHHMMMM AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHH
plaintive wail. like the night
we found that cat.
mushed eye and the driver too
crying
it was black
i couldn't see
WHERE ARE ALL THE STREETLIGHTS?
and us, roadkill
in our stomachs and trying to find a vet
in the phone book in the
dark

it's only just evening now so i saw everything.
there were handcuffs and by the end he wasn't
even kicking
and the van drove away,
his ball cap left on the road
and i just wanted to tell her,
you need to hold him like a hurt animal.
you need to hold him like that
in your mind.

AGH
outside it is clear light. this sky another ocean
and those first stars
its floating bones.

they said last night after i birthed
the cork out of a bottle of wine
you're being a little dramatic.
don't you think?
and i don't know what i think but here is what i know
so much for my annotated bibliography
so much for sobriety
so much for my gpa
all i can think about is
as;lfdkjgdkha['o;gdj;vnaknv;aierhta
bunny hearts
beat beat beat
faster
faster

(o, it always feels the same)