Little Black Dot

mregh.
i have sunday syndrome
and a paper
due tomorrow.
that i need to write.
this hasn't happened since last year, i don't think.
there's a reason for that.
here i thought i learned my lesson.
looks like not.
christ.
well then, here we are.
you made this bed, chelsea.
now die in it.
the flying bulgar klezmer band doesn't really seem appropriate
for this kind of blog post, so i'll instead of changing the song i'll try and change my tone.
how's that
universe.
how's that learning.
anyway, i always revel in it, the morning after.
the senseless surrender to exhaustion.
senseless release.

i predicted this would be a funny weekend.
i was right.
i dressed for the occasion
o yes i did
in a big fat rainbow
both days long.
on saturday: all the hot colours.
red orange yellow catsuit.
and today: all the cool.
periwinkle leggings.
now,
when exactly will all of this merge
like two triangles and form a star of david
around my heart?
these are interesting questions. the tarot's not really talking.
but someone's listening to me.
this morning i trambled into town wearing my one dollar frock from the gyro and carrying
a big fallen branch and i felt a little funny about it so i planted it
in the tree bathtub outside the seven eleven on douglas and then later,
while i was having a cancer with a little cat this ninety-five year old woman jaunters by
and she's dressed in all of my same colours
(turquoise sweatpants, purple windbreaker, blue socks, hand knit hat) and she's grinning at me with all of her wizened teeth and she's holding
A BIG STICK!
and i was like, lady, i don't know who you are, but i like you.
and this morning at bubby's
this enormous man wearing a yellow t-shirt with an enormous yin-yang on it
sneezed on me. and jesus the light was there
reading a book like a docile child.
his little ponytail neighing out behind him.

o god.
this is so hopeless.
i am.
how am i ever going to get any work done until this is settled?
how am i ever going to get this settled?

(dear chelsea,
this is the universe calling.
do you remember me? it's been a long time, i know.
anyway, i just wanted to give a ring because
i need to give you a message.
the message is
cool your jets.
ok?
i know this is really hard for you to understand and you might pince your little pincers at me, but
this is my bee eff eff for ever one hundred percent true advice for you.
ok?
ok.
there's only so much work you can do, you know. there is only so much to be said for
agency. for interrupting
my process.
and it's not like you're being a nuisance or anything,
you're just kind of in my way)