"all the funerals roll together and become one big funeral"

since wednesday a lot of things have happened:

tim lilburn/daphne marlatt
steve price final
five hours to vancouver
big queer dance party?
2 am check-in at the columbia hotel
9 am check-out at the columbia hotel
three hours at the vancouver art gallery
five hours to victoria
uvic visual arts grad show

all in rapid succession.
by yesterday i was so underslept and so overstimulated i felt stoned.
i didn't feel like i was stoned. i felt like i was being stoned.
everything moved as i blinked and i couldn't do anything except lay down because just standing was cause for falling down so i had to call janine and tell her i couldn't help her pick out her glasses and i had to call isa and tell her i couldn't go to her seder, crying, both times. such a disappointment when my body fails my brain.
janine told me to call her if i needed anything.
isa said
you poor baby!
came to my house twenty minutes later with a bottle of cold-fx
told me to take three now and three before i go to sleep,
said she would call me in the morning to arrange a time for leftover delivery.
i'll bring you the whole seder, she said.
listen to your surrogate mother, she said.

cold-fx is non-drowsy and i woke up every single hour.
i'm still not even convinced i have the flu, but who am i to disobey a jewish woman who went to all that trouble.
i think i just need to eat a decent meal. be still for a while.
so i will roll a joint to the vinyl cafe and breakfast at the bakery and read at the sea.
four twenty. yes indeed.

my dad just called.
i'm at bob's, he said.
i have a dog, a cat. the dog's gotten me into lots of trouble already
but he's a good lady-catcher.

lady-catcher. lol.
i could use one of those right now.
all i want to do is find you. get you high. get you so, so high.
but i don't know where the fuck you are.
i want to write you a letter.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
i'm going insane!
xo, she wrote, last time i knew where she lived.
xo