(i'd spend the night and i'd lose my mind)

i need to read my cards. i need to do my work.
my eyes hurt like i've been slicing onions all day even though i haven't.
it's my sinuses. they're all blocked up and i have a migrane and i'm pretty sure if i don't stay hydrated i will come down with the flu.
i'm anxious to get back to victoria. even though i'm going with my dad, i'm scared of the drive. scared of the mountains, scared of the snow, scared of the waning daylight (it goes too soon, too soon). these last days always feel like limbo even though i'm still. they always feel like no man's land. maybe we'll leave tomorrow, in the evening, maybe we'll wait until morning, get our five o'clock new year's day coffees and go. i told my dad it's up to him; i just want to get there. i want the ocean and i want my bed and i want to not live out of my big black duffel anymore. i want it to be 2008 so i can pretend to start again, or something.