i just deactivated my facebook account.
i am a new woman.
when facebook asked me to pick a reason for deactivation,
i clicked the "other" button.
when facebook asked me to explain further,
i wrote, "facebook is numbing and obscuring human existence."
yes. yes.

the entire universe is making me a sad cat.
it's because it's winter.
it's finally winter and it's cold and the air tastes like metal
and i feel extremely misunderstood on a lot of counts. and that's lonely.

it's so nice when i sleep for twelve hours and then get taken to john's place for breakfast.

ok. i love margaret atwood, but

she sure does get away with spelling a lot of words "the canadian way".

you're so bitter. bitter and so sweet.

once upon a time, back in the idyllic days of september when it was easy to say i'm a university student because i had no real work to do,
i told someone (it must have been elise) that, no, actually, i really love writing papers.
right.
well,
i lied.
i am a big fat lying lie face.
i hate papers and papers, apparently, hate me.

all i want to do right now is go to pep. read a poem. drink a beer.
god damn it, academia. sometimes. you make me. so. upset.

cat and otter

ok. this is not what i thought this show was about.
egyptians.

it was beautiful; it was thursday;

the storm blew over and now the sky is turquoise.

i am being a bad cat.

i'm never going to get any work done at this rate, but i don't even care.
my wisdom teeth, apparently, are coming in, and my tarot readings are finally looking up (rebirth and removing the chains of bondage and a creative beginning on my horizon)
and i just did my laundry for free.
today:
workshop poems
green tea
photo sesh
yoga
reeeeaaaadiiiiinnnngggg.

i haven't forgotten today is rememberance day.
i took my obligatory eleven o'clock minute of silence.
and later, after dinner, i will crack open a corona and drink it all because this year there is no fruit injected with vodka and i have since learned important lessons. lessons that must be reflected on alone.

it is ten o'clock on friday night.

reading week.
apparently i have a fridge full of corona?
but i am resisting.
green tea.
workshop poems.
lofty goals.
yes.

i am officially calling november the
chelsea takes refuge
month.
somehow, i'm convinced i'm going to come out of this a better person.

what a sorry face you get to wear.

why am i surprised that counseling services is booking into december already.
seriously.
sometimes mental health days are not worth all of the stress and paperwork they precipitate.
all these phone calls. appointments.
bureaucracy defeats my purpose again.
or something.

i am on a lonely road and i am travelling.

so i've decided to change my life.
long journey ahead of me.
but it started with the substitution
of queer literary theory and emily carr
for religious studies and the second half of modern canadian poetry
in the spring.
my timetable
+ kerry mason
- a certain professor whose head i would like to throw all of my textbooks at
one by one
= a hospitable schedule.
this is math that makes sense.
this is math i can do.
maybe, while i'm changing my life,
i'll relearn the functions of sine.
right.
a long journey, indeed.

i have no answers now, but this much i can say:

facebook is actually ruining my life.
i am going to spend reading week Not On Facebook.
this is ten days.
this is a big deal.
but i can do it.
instead, i will
do a lot of yoga,
take a lot of photographs,
and do my fucking homework.

this will be such a good reading week.
blue sky, dry land.