All those things I missed last night.

Wendy Morton kissed my forehead after I read. She is officially the sweetest lady ever.

Except for Lorna, perhaps, who was sporting a sheep's wool track suit fandango and lemon yellow hiking shoes.

I love these women more than baby bunnies on campus.

Carla's daughter looks almost exactly like her. I envy both of them beyond comprehension.

Icky Melanie was there. I really didn't want to read in front of her, but there you go. That's how the universe works. As payback...

Dear Melanie,
Here are some things to consider before the next time you attend a social function:
1. Do you really want to drink beer in front of your Writing students and ruin the facade you've worked so hard to piece together that leads us all to believe you're a cyborg who only inhabits this planet to feast on our souls by giving us horrible and undeserved grades on our poetry assignments?
2. All of us - especially those of us who have to sit directly behind you - would appreciate it very much if you made an effort to either a) start buying pants with a much higher waistband, or b) start embracing the tunic. No one wants to see your blue and yellow thong, contrary to your personal belief. Especially not us.
3. Please see a correctional dentist. Please. I promise your insurance will cover the repairs to your snaggletooth.
Best of luck on starting your new life as a person fit to be seen in the public eye. (There's no sarcasm in there, really. I will be so happy when I'm no longer subjected to cateracts and potential permanent blindness when in your presence.)
Chelsea

That's all, I think. Oh, and: peach flavored cigarettes are hot awesome.