i've been thinking recently that i'd like to start this puppy back up. today seems like a great day to do that. vernal equinox. spring time. usually i am a little crazy on the equinox. by usually, i mean all the years i lived in victoria i got a little crazy on the equinox. last year i think i was in bed with a cold. this year i am healthy & well, but taxed, and all of us in calgary are recovering from last week's huge snowfall. but today we had sun all day and the snow made rivers and lakes everywhere. whatever strange weather patterns we are having gave me a chance to make good on the lesson i learned last wednesday when it was sunny out: go play outside right now. your homework will still be there for you when you get back. last wednesday i did my homework instead and woke up thursday to a blizzard. tomorrow apparently we will also wake up to a blizzard, but i feel at peace with that now. this afternoon, instead of doing my homework, i went to the weasel head for a walk. i asked the universe what i needed to do to feel better and accomplish all i need to do by the end of term. the universe told me i need to start eating way more green things. so for dinner, i went to community and ate a huge salad with spinach and cucumber and pea shoots, and radishes, and beets, and oranges, and raspberry vinaigrette. it was beautiful. and then i bought myself some grocery presents. tea, multivitamins, rainbow chard, grapes, ginger, and a big tub of greens+. i felt a little pulse of the spring energy on my way home, low in my body. now i just have to nurse it along a little. i am ready to feel great and nothing is going to stop me!

today, my tarot reading began with the moon, ended with the sun.

a conversation overheard between high shcool girls sitting on the floor of the royal bank on a saturday night, waiting for the bus home

"do you want me to carry anything? my bag is like totally empty."
"actually ya, my bag is like totally full."

You know, I think I am switching back
to capitals.

i did not write the entire time the sun was in taurus
and now we are in the time of gemini and
i am in a place of
almost

these afternoons it's nothing
but me
and the peace pipe
and the cbc.

one who comes through darkness

(riddle for neil
on his birthday)

one who comes through darkness
has no business
wearing a face
no business
being in darkness

where darkness is a face (and vice versa)

this is
where one
has no business
seeing the [.....]

(this is)
(where one
....................is
..............................it.)

knock knock.
who's there?
it's the dark night of the soul.
what, did you forget something?
GET ME OUT OF THE SUN, WOMAN.
(o just burn out there)

dear mercury retrograde,
thank you, for the lookout tower.
i know what to do now.
about everything.
(nothing)
(look)
love,
chelsea

dear kerry,
school is over, forever.
for now.
i sure am going to miss
getting high in the woods behind the res parking lot
and coming to group of seven class.
you've been a treat.
you've taught me so much.
love,
chelsea

when i woke up this morning, it was the first day of april
and the universe said
HA HA HA
(i fooled you)

but i don't know what it meant.
yet.

since last spring equinox weekend, i have learned some important lessons.
my favorite so far is,
write your paper, then
lose your bananas.
so you don't have to write it
after.

knock knock.
who's there?
it's the dark night of the soul.
dark night of the soul who?
chelsea. are you going to open the door or what?

i wrote a poem on my magnet board.

water after power...always a
shining sea
boy did it love boil pant
my symphony

man alive
eternity is a raw place
but if I pound dream chant ask
it will recall
the gift and
whisper
.....(woman mother music storm sweat death
.....diamond flood puppy)

never heave at me
from a rock..girlfriend
you have to
get in

chelsea: hey weather, you're kind of getting me down these days you know.
weather: what did you expect, woman? it is february you know. it is canada.

dear chels,
the next time you go to value village, find a funny bookend to buy.
love,
yourself.

i finished my book today,
the last of mercury retrograde.
the last half-page.
when i was done writing i had an over whelming urge to write
THE END
at the bottom, in upside down letters,
but there wasn't room and also i think it probably would be cheesy because it's not really the end, is it,
but a funny thing happened with this book.
the book began with a very specific question and it ended with an answer to that question.
the book began in july two thousand and eight and ended today.

and it's just funny because in december, a couple weeks before i went home to calgary for christmas, i bought a new book.
flat, smooth. plastic wrapped. with blank pages inside, not lined ones.
i bought it because i was so tired of this thing, so tired of carrying it around with me, this stupid fucking question i couldn't answer. and even though it had 15 pages left in it when i got on the plane, i almost left it, almost left those pages blank and packed the new one instead.
but something was like, chelsea.
you are not going to leave these pages blank.
you are not going to rip them out.
you are going back to CALGARY
and mercury is going into RETROGRADE
and you are going to FINISH. THIS. BOOK. ALRIGHT.

so i was like, alright.
so i took the old one.
didn't write in calgary. didn't write on gabriola.
didn't think i would ever finish this stupid fucking book
until one day
i found myself staring january twenty ten in the face and it said,
listen up, woman. i've got some things to show you, so why don't you come with me.
and what was i supposed to do?
it's not like i could have
turned around

tercet

sunday syndrome

or,
in which order shall i proceed?

cry
eat
clean
do homework
get high

today i was home sick from work and mimi
good sweet mimi
just came by with tulips
and cheese, and chocolate.
I LOVE YOU MIMI I LOVE YOU.